In March 2022, we officially welcomed two decades since the original release of the first Ice Age movie, and how long 20 years it has been. If watching this with your kids (or after a particularly regressive adult life) hasn’t driven you completely crazy, don’t worry, as the series’ final sixth installment was released in January 2022, with a seventh installment currently in the works. development by co-writer Ray DeLaurentis, as well as a new franchise television series. This is what you need right now – livelier opossums. Because, as we all know, the fifth was, like, so good. Coffins need multiple nails, after all.
Anyway, before you watch hordes of bickering kids bump and scratch each other in the movie theater, here’s a list of eight memorable ones. Ice Age characters, ranked from worst to best. While you may try to cut and run from the clutches of a once-beloved children’s movie classic, now Disney+ified, you can never escape. You can never free yourself. The. Will be. Never. Be. Sufficient. Ice. Age.
Damn. Impious. Absolutely repulsive. These are some of the words capable of describing the “Ice Age Baby” known as Roshan, at least according to many. Nearly 30,000 people have signature of the Change.org petition kill the indescribable beast, and for good reason; what is This thing? First of all, if one were to analyze the comparative heights between this child and his temporary mammoth guardians, the baby would stand 6’10 and weigh 175 pounds – before he could even lift his neck, he could probably tell you support you and your entire family. For a few seconds, just take a quick look into his cold, soulless eyes. No one is saying this baby intentionally caused the ice age itself, but if we’re ever seriously looking for a solution to global warming…
Manny. Manfred. Man-crusher mammoth. It’s hard to be the main character and yet be nobody’s favorite; at least Sid the Sloth has a dedicated fanbase. Although Manny doesn’t necessarily deserve to be hated, partly because he’s a good father and a good husband (at least in the context of complimenting his wife’s butt), and having the odd understudy that is a unfunny, he just plays the role of the stuck up “Straight Man” a little too well. It’s a children’s movie. You are an animated mammoth. You are voiced by Ray Romano. All this is strange; feel free to relax anytime, man. We’re all stressed just looking at you.
To be completely fair to Ellie, she’s not that evil. Unlike the unfortunate curse of the thin and thick squirrel Scratte, Ellie managed to avoid the curse of being animated to suddenly have mammoth breasts (literally and metaphorically) in order to dissociate herself from Manny. However, despite the potential to be an interesting female character, she too often exists between dull and boring.
As a mammoth who thinks she’s a possum, which is a pretty relatable experience for other women who are unfortunate enough to stumble under the fluorescent lights of a high street dressing room, you’d think she’d have some degree of character development, but no, female characters are usually clumsy, warped, and oddly feminized versions of male characters. Yes, we are talking about you hellish conception of female sloths; how will human males know which animals are supposed to be females if they don’t look like jessica bunnies in juice?
Sid the Sloth – not the hero we wanted, and probably not the hero we deserved either. On first viewing it’s easy to hate Sid as he fills the highly undesirable role of Glacial Age Jar Jar Binks, but then you skip the movie series for a few years and start to feel bad about how the whole Twitter community l ‘brutally intimidated (and, by proxyBenedict Cumberbatch).
Sid is the definition of “good-bad”. Sid is like listening to The Smiths or reading literally anything from EL James – you can enjoy it, provided you’re in the right (slightly comatose) headspace. After a while, however, you might find yourself yelling, “It’s been two hours, how are you still so boring?” (He and Morrissey have that in common). In the end, you either love it or hate it, but most of the time you hate it.
Diego is a cool guy. He might even be considered a saber-tooth stallion, which is perhaps why, worryingly, he seems to have amassed a large following of predominantly Gen-Z women who attribute to him to their sexual awakenings – a much-needed win for digital animators everywhere. There is not much negative to say about Diego. He’s morally good, he tries his best, he tries to strangle Sid the Sloth almost as often as the viewer wants, and he’s rightly hydrophobic during the unironically and unexpectedly terrifying second film, where Cretaceous alligator-lizard creatures reenact their version of a G-rated Jaws.
You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who actively hates Diego (though, crucial note: if you’re one of the seemingly countless people who are irresistibly attracted to him, please ask for help, your family loves you).
2 Crash and Eddie
With two weird little opossum bodies and a shared brain cell, Crash and Eddie deserve all the love and spitting in the Pleistocene world. In all of their twenty-year lives, these little guys haven’t thought once. Not once. They just jump, bungee jump into volcanoes, and compete in street dancing competitions, trying to annoy everyone in their neighborhood as much as possible. On the contrary, they fill the gap of the “boring little brothers” within the Ice Age family, and, provided they are not your annoying little brothers, they are impossible not to love.
Scrat is a god. Scrat is stitched into the collective mind of every parent and child who managed to survive the bustling hellscape of the early 2000s. When you think of true determination, true willpower, true tenacity above all, you never Don’t think of Gandhi. You don’t think of Columbus. There’s only Scrat, with his bulbous eyeballs, certifiable acorn addiction, and mental foresight equivalent to that of a hyperactive toddler. In a perfect world, we’d all learn a thing or two from this awesome little rodent.
The Ice Age Blue Sky Studios animation house is closed by Disney
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